Two of my favorite television shows are “Up w/Chris Hayes” and “Melissa Harris-Perry” on MSNBC.  The hosts, guests, topics, and level of honest debate are high energy and always challenge my thinking.  Recently, Chris Hayes said something I had to jot down:  “The gap between your aspiration and your situation equals your level of frustration”.   Although the topic under discussion that morning was not the work environment or careers, the lesson is a lesson for every space.

Three key words:  aspiration, situation, and frustration.  Three words that sum up the disappointing times of work life (and help us understand contentment).  The words also provide a window into how we might deal with disappointments that surely come over the course of any career.

Lets start with ASPIRATION – the hope of achieving something.  What we hope for is at the heart of our motivation to keep going through the good, the bad, and the ugly of work.  This hope keeps us going to achieve for our families and ourselves.  Aspiration is the first step to knowing the joy of success.   Langston Hughes said it best:  “Hold fast to dreams for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly.”

Whatever your aspirations, you have to deal with the SITUATION – circumstances in which you find yourself.   Not a dream, but the real thing.  Circumstances are at face value neither positive nor negative.  We label situations as such in direct relation to how they impact our aspirations.  Example:  You want to be a manager on one of the jobs you have.  The requirement is a four-year college degree.   You work two jobs to support your family and have neither time nor money for 2 more years of college.  Each year the gap between your aspiration and your situation widens.

Your FRUSTRATION – a feeling of being upset because of an inability to achieve – mounts when circumstances – your situation – take you farther away from your aspirations.  Frustrations play out in absences from work, limited engagement with the organization, defeatist attitudes, general complacency, and passive-aggressive behaviors. Those are outwardly focused reactions.  However, the most dangerous reactions are inwardly focused manifestations of frustration that lead to psychological and physical ailments.

THE LESSONS:

• Want and work for something. Have goals. Don’t water down your dreams or aspirations because circumstances seem not in your favor. Dream big!

• Although you may not be able to control your situation, you can control your reaction to it. I know this is easier to say than to do, but it can be done. In fact, it is the biggest lesson of all.

• Be honest with yourself about frustrations and disappointments. In being honest, objectively evaluate the achievability of your aspirations and know it is okay to modify them. If you are unwilling to modify them, attack your situation. Is it time to relocate or change employers?

You and only you are responsible for developing your aspirations, managing reactions to your situation, and controlling your level of frustration.

For the better part of my adult life, my Grandma Alkie could be heard saying she wanted her last days to be her best days.   She lived to 94 years of age.  In her yearning was the notion of legacy and how she would be remembered.  She also made it clear how she wanted to be treated in the waning years of life.

My grandma was regal in her demeanor and our family, to the best of our abilities, treated her like royalty.  Although she beamed under the attention, she wanted something more.  She wanted to leave an indelible imprint on the family.  She wanted to leave a mighty legacy.  It is probably natural to have such feelings as we get older.  It is also natural to want our last days to be our best days as we near retirement or transition from one career to another.  We want to be remembered for having made a difference.  This is especially true of those who hold leadership positions

Unfortunately, many leaders have difficulty accepting the “last days”.   What happens to leaders who were once highly influential but who find themselves in a new space with limited power and shrinking influence?   Some seem prepared for the natural transition.  Others struggle to remain relevant, trudging paths of powerlessness, only catching glimpses of the power they once had.  Many claw and scratch and try to hold on to something that is long gone.  A few even use their last bit of power to harm others in acts of vengeance.

Tides will shift and power changes hands. This is a fact of every work environment.   When something is over, it is over.  One can only hope the time spent in any endeavor is time well spent.  Hope the imprint on the lives of others is a positive and lasting tribute.  What else is there?

The only “fix” I can think of is to approach your first days, and all days, as if they are your last days.  You cannot build a legacy in the 11th hour of a career.  Influencing how you want to be remembered when you leave, starts the first day you arrive on the job.The enterprises and bosses with whom we work have a great deal of power over when our employment is terminated, if our exits can be planned, or our departures finessed.  Nevertheless, we, not they, have the power over legacy rooted in how we impact the lives of others.  Not just lives of peers and cronies, but ordinary walking around people we do not know.  Long after we are gone, those we coach, mentor and inspire will ensure our thoughts and deeds continue to roam the workplace.  This is true legacy.

THE LESSONS:

• Tides shift and power changes hands.

• Legacy building starts in the first days not the last days.

• Our legacies are only as great as the lives we touch and endure in direct proportion to time spent helping others.