Those of you who have been following my articles may remember this one from December 2011.  I believe the topic is so important it is worth a rerun. 

This is the season of many social gatherings in workplaces around the country.  The annual company holiday party is long awaited by employees everywhere.  Some happen on a small scale within departments during work; some happen in the evenings at the homes of managers and co-workers; some are in restaurants; and yet others are grand black-tie affairs.  Tis the season of much merriment.  TIS THE SEASON OF TARNISHED REPUTATIONS AND DAMAGED CAREERS.

The same professional style and demeanor cultivated and protected during work hours, must be cultivated and protected in business social settings.  Consistency is the key.  COMPANY SOCIAL FUNCTIONS ARE NOT THE PLACES TO LET YOUR HAIR DOWN AND SHOW HOW HARD YOU CAN PARTY.  You must work while you play.  Well doggone Marsha, that’s not even a party.  You are correct!  It is a social event at which you are working!  Forget what they call it.  You must remember you are W-O-R-K-I-N-G!

A short story about someone you may recognize.  I’ll call her Suzie.  Suzie was a junior professional on the fast track with her career.  It was her first company holiday party and she wanted to make a big impression.

Suzie decided to wear her favorite skin tight, Christmas Red, plunging neckline dress.  She had the figure for it and wanted to show her co-workers a “different side” from her conservative work self.  Rather than go alone, she took as her guest a guy she had just met.  At the party, all eyes were on Suzie.  She was wearing that dress!  Suzie had several drinks past her 2-drink limit.  It was an “open bar”, the drinks were “free”.  She danced hard and talked loudly.  Her date also had a roaring good time and talked non-stop with everyone in the room.

The next day, Suzie was the talk of the office and the talk was not positive.  She lost serious ground with her reputation and her career; all because she thought it was just a party and forgot it was work.

THE LESSONS:

WORK WHILE YOU PARTY AT COMPANY  “SOCIAL” FUNCTIONS  – no matter the day, the time, or the season, keep working.

DRINK HALF YOUR ALCOHOL LIMIT OR NON-ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES – “free” alcohol can be very costly.  You must be in control of what you are saying and doing.

DRESS LIKE YOU WANT TO BE REMEMBERED ON MONDAY MORNING.  Women must be especially cautious.  It is difficult to have co-workers think of you as a serious professional once they have seen you in a Cat Suit.

MAKE SURE YOUR GUEST/ESCORT/SPOUSE KNOWS YOU ARE WORKING.  They are there to support YOUR business and career goals, not their own.

These are tough lessons but ones critical to on-going success in the workplace.  Most of the “after party talk” about your party behavior – good or bad – will happen behind your back.  My purpose here is to remind you there will be talk.

Happy Holidays!

Two of my favorite television shows are “Up w/Chris Hayes” and “Melissa Harris-Perry” on MSNBC.  The hosts, guests, topics, and level of honest debate are high energy and always challenge my thinking.  Recently, Chris Hayes said something I had to jot down:  “The gap between your aspiration and your situation equals your level of frustration”.   Although the topic under discussion that morning was not the work environment or careers, the lesson is a lesson for every space.

Three key words:  aspiration, situation, and frustration.  Three words that sum up the disappointing times of work life (and help us understand contentment).  The words also provide a window into how we might deal with disappointments that surely come over the course of any career.

Lets start with ASPIRATION – the hope of achieving something.  What we hope for is at the heart of our motivation to keep going through the good, the bad, and the ugly of work.  This hope keeps us going to achieve for our families and ourselves.  Aspiration is the first step to knowing the joy of success.   Langston Hughes said it best:  “Hold fast to dreams for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly.”

Whatever your aspirations, you have to deal with the SITUATION – circumstances in which you find yourself.   Not a dream, but the real thing.  Circumstances are at face value neither positive nor negative.  We label situations as such in direct relation to how they impact our aspirations.  Example:  You want to be a manager on one of the jobs you have.  The requirement is a four-year college degree.   You work two jobs to support your family and have neither time nor money for 2 more years of college.  Each year the gap between your aspiration and your situation widens.

Your FRUSTRATION – a feeling of being upset because of an inability to achieve – mounts when circumstances – your situation – take you farther away from your aspirations.  Frustrations play out in absences from work, limited engagement with the organization, defeatist attitudes, general complacency, and passive-aggressive behaviors. Those are outwardly focused reactions.  However, the most dangerous reactions are inwardly focused manifestations of frustration that lead to psychological and physical ailments.

THE LESSONS:

• Want and work for something. Have goals. Don’t water down your dreams or aspirations because circumstances seem not in your favor. Dream big!

• Although you may not be able to control your situation, you can control your reaction to it. I know this is easier to say than to do, but it can be done. In fact, it is the biggest lesson of all.

• Be honest with yourself about frustrations and disappointments. In being honest, objectively evaluate the achievability of your aspirations and know it is okay to modify them. If you are unwilling to modify them, attack your situation. Is it time to relocate or change employers?

You and only you are responsible for developing your aspirations, managing reactions to your situation, and controlling your level of frustration.

For the better part of my adult life, my Grandma Alkie could be heard saying she wanted her last days to be her best days.   She lived to 94 years of age.  In her yearning was the notion of legacy and how she would be remembered.  She also made it clear how she wanted to be treated in the waning years of life.

My grandma was regal in her demeanor and our family, to the best of our abilities, treated her like royalty.  Although she beamed under the attention, she wanted something more.  She wanted to leave an indelible imprint on the family.  She wanted to leave a mighty legacy.  It is probably natural to have such feelings as we get older.  It is also natural to want our last days to be our best days as we near retirement or transition from one career to another.  We want to be remembered for having made a difference.  This is especially true of those who hold leadership positions

Unfortunately, many leaders have difficulty accepting the “last days”.   What happens to leaders who were once highly influential but who find themselves in a new space with limited power and shrinking influence?   Some seem prepared for the natural transition.  Others struggle to remain relevant, trudging paths of powerlessness, only catching glimpses of the power they once had.  Many claw and scratch and try to hold on to something that is long gone.  A few even use their last bit of power to harm others in acts of vengeance.

Tides will shift and power changes hands. This is a fact of every work environment.   When something is over, it is over.  One can only hope the time spent in any endeavor is time well spent.  Hope the imprint on the lives of others is a positive and lasting tribute.  What else is there?

The only “fix” I can think of is to approach your first days, and all days, as if they are your last days.  You cannot build a legacy in the 11th hour of a career.  Influencing how you want to be remembered when you leave, starts the first day you arrive on the job.The enterprises and bosses with whom we work have a great deal of power over when our employment is terminated, if our exits can be planned, or our departures finessed.  Nevertheless, we, not they, have the power over legacy rooted in how we impact the lives of others.  Not just lives of peers and cronies, but ordinary walking around people we do not know.  Long after we are gone, those we coach, mentor and inspire will ensure our thoughts and deeds continue to roam the workplace.  This is true legacy.

THE LESSONS:

• Tides shift and power changes hands.

• Legacy building starts in the first days not the last days.

• Our legacies are only as great as the lives we touch and endure in direct proportion to time spent helping others.

“Talk is cheap” and nowhere is this statement truer than in the workplace.   Whether you are talking big about who you are, what you have done or what you can do, whether the manager espousing an open door policy, or the business painting itself as a great place to work, talk is cheap!

In 1996, Tom Cruise played the character Jerry McGuire in the titled movie that reignited the phrase “show me the money”.  Growing up in the ‘60’s we would say “money talks and BS walks”.   Same thing.  However you phrase it, the essential theme is the importance of verifying what you hear with what you see; and backing up what you say with what you do.   Remember, talk is cheap!

Before we get too far into this, know that I believe in “speaking” words that describe the me I want to be, the me successful and always striving to take it to the next level.  Words matter.  But words without plans and practice are hollow and often hypocritical.  Words matter but they are the starting point not the end game.

Your success is tied to your ability to read the environment.   A vital part of reading the work environment (or any environment) is distinguishing between what is said and what is done, what is hype and what is real.  You may hear many things at work:   “Speak up”, “Tell me what you think”,  “My door is always open”, or “We are a family here”.   You may say many things about yourself:  “What I do matters”,  “I am important to the success of the business”, “They need me”, or “I am doing everything I can do to grow and develop myself”.

Do others say about you what you say about yourself?   If so, keep adding layers of positive affirmation.  If there are gaps, develop and begin to execute a plan to be the “you” you say you are – the “you” you want to be.  It is never too late begin.  Start today.

Consider what the company says it is in terms of how it treats employees, customers, shareholders, the community and all constituents.   Then make it your business to find concrete examples to support the platitudes.  Where there are gaps, determine if there is anything you can contribute to closing the gaps.  Is the organization at least headed in the direction of its platitudes or is it knee deep in phony, philosophical gibberish designed for show?   You must know the difference.  There are many options as to what you actually do about it.  All viable options start with clarity about “what is”.   Not what someone says it is, or what you want it to be, but what is.

THE LESSONS:

• Planning and practice always trump platitude.

• Organizations and individuals spend more time on platitudes than planning and practice, more time telling than doing.

• Success requires looking yourself and your organization squarely in the eye and naming what is real.

• Actions will always speak louder than words!

It is difficult to describe the sense of pride felt as I watched Secretary of State Hillary Clinton testify before the Senate regarding the September 11, 2012 attack on the U.S. Consulate at Benghazi, Libya.  The questioning went on for hours.  There she sat, alone at a table.  Some senators genuinely wanted more information.  Others played to the cameras in an effort to “bring her down” and levy a political blow to one of the world’s most popular political figures.  Detractors were outclassed.

Secretary Clinton is no neophyte to the game.  She has seen her share of controversy and criticism.  Yet, she still moves with an aura of confidence and courage that consistently leaves us in awe.    Years of experience mounted atop solid intellect have forged in her great presence, clarity of purpose, and the will and discipline to stand for what she believes, even in the face of adversity.

Anyone, especially women, with aspirations to climb the proverbial corporate ladder might do well to study video of Secretary Clinton’s testimony at the Benghazi hearings.

Accept everyone will not like you and be prepared for some to make it known.  In the face of really petty jabs, Secretary Clinton did not flinch.  Her dignified, professional demeanor made those hurling crazy accusations look very small.  One news commentator said she used her anger strategically.  Another observed she made the verbal snipers appear as political pigmies.

Navigating a corporate maze is not unlike appearing before a room of detractors in what may sometimes feel like hours without end.  Controlling your own emotions is critical.  The foundation for emotional control is intellectual preparation.  Secretary Clinton knew the facts and was more prepared with the facts than any of her detractors.  She was present and prepared!

Although definitely in control of her emotions, she did not come across as a cold fish.  To the contrary, she was confident enough to let us see her passion and compassion, and even her anger.   This she could do because of years of experience in the arena.  Her skills have not been honed sitting on the sidelines.  Secretary Clinton has battle scars that may indicate just how she learned to stay calm in the storm.

Staying calm in the storm is a major lesson to be learned.  When crazy things happen as they surely will.  When detractors put you on the hot seat, as they surely will.  When your best-laid plans turn into a real mess, as some surely will.  You must have the will and discipline to keep your wits about you.  Detractors are ready for your emotional outbursts from a position of unprepared, “I’ll show you” anger and retaliation.  Detractors are not generally prepared for a calm, well prepared, agile target.  They will generally not be prepared for you in control.

THE LESSONS:

• Know your subject. Think about it from multiple angles. Be prepared.

• Emotional control develops through facing challenges.

• Detractors will not generally be prepared for you in control of your emotions.