It is a bit unnerving to know that all during the day, people are sizing us up based on how we look.  I know of no one who can escape this reality.  We are, one and all, both victims and perpetrators of “judging a book by its cover.”

MANAGING PERCEPTIONS IS ALWAYS IMPORTANT, BUT NEVER MORE IMPORTANT THAN WHEN THERE IS TROUBLE. Trouble could be just feeling vulnerable and insecure. Maybe you have learned of a co-worker’s betrayal. Perhaps you did not get the promotion or salary increase you expected, or had been promised.  Whatever the trouble, you are down and feeling your worse.  That is precisely when extra care must be taken to look your best!

Why bother?

My Mama used to say, WHEN PEOPLE CAN LOOK AT YOU AND KNOW YOU ARE VULNERABLE, THEY WILL TRY THINGS TO HURT YOU THAT THEY WOULD NEVER CONSIDER IF THEY THOUGHT YOU WERE IN GOOD SHAPE — physically, mentally, spiritually, career-wise, marriage-wise, any-wise.  Muggers and thieves know this. They size up people going to their cars at the Mall and make a judgment as to which one they will approach.  Bullies size up other students and make similar determinations.  Men and women size-up each other and determine if there is interest in getting to know each other better.  The point is, sizing up other people is quite normal and happens routinely.

There is real danger in wearing feelings on your shoulders, especially at work.  BEING ABLE TO MANAGE AND/OR MASK YOUR FEELINGS IS A CRUCIAL SKILL. Those who are not members of your cheering squad will immediately detect chinks in the armor.  They will see and make it their business to exploit weaknesses and vulnerabilities.  You are the only one who can keep them guessing.  You must  “never let them see you sweat!”

In 1984, the Gillette Company launched the famous deodorant commercials with the slogan “Never let them see you sweat.” All kinds of situations were highlighted with the bottom line, “NEVER LET THEM SEE YOU SWEAT.”  The message was clear.  There is danger when others see you sweat.  There is danger when others know you are overly concerned or anxious.  There is danger whenever others can look at you and see you are vulnerable.  When you consistently look your best, regardless of how you are feeling, you confuse your detractors and give yourself time to get it back together.

THE LESSONS:

• When it’s storming on your parade, suck it up, suck it in, and keep smiling.

• Get up one hour earlier than normal and take extra care in grooming yourself.  Look like a million dollars!

• Do not hide out in your office or cubicle.  Get out, mingle and focus positive attention on others.

• If your situation is “public information,” develop a short, positive response for nosy folk who will ask about it.  Practice the response and let it roll off your tongue like a politician would do.

• Stay in control of you!

Everyone wants to have a boss who is smart, supportive, fair and honest with strong coaching and mentoring abilities.  If you have ever worked with such a boss, you know how wonderful that relationship can be.  If you have worked long enough to have had more than two or three bosses, you also know ALL BOSSES ARE NOT CREATED EQUAL. Sometimes, the boss is a Jerk! 

 Unlike great bosses, or even average bosses, JERK BOSSES ARE NOT-SO-SMART, SUPERFICIALLY SUPPORTIVE, UNFAIR AND BASICALLY DISHONEST — hiding the real motives behind their actions.  The coaching and mentoring they do is done to build allegiance to them, rather than build competence and independent thinking within the employee. If you have not encountered a boss who is a Jerk, just keep working, chances are you will.

 The not-so-smart Jerk Boss needs to feel smart and “looked up to.”  They dabble in minutia and details far below their level of responsibility in the organization. They may meddle all in your job responsibilities because they are incompetent in handling their own. 

 All that said, THE JERK BOSS IS STILL THE BOSS.  Pouting and whining about the situation will not make it better.  Complaining to the boss’s boss — or HR — rarely, if ever, accomplishes anything positive, and will most likely make matters worse.  While the club of bosses may not like each other, THEY OFTEN CIRCLE THE BOSS WAGONS WHEN ONE OF THEM IS UNDER ATTACK from a non-boss employee. HR may be powerless to intervene.

 The Lessons:

• Do not look to anyone other than yourself to manage your relationship with your boss.

• Learn to respect the position if not the person. I know this is hard, and can be very hard. Even so, until you are in a position to get another job and roll the dice with another boss, respecting the position may be all you can hang on to.

• Jerk Boss or not, you will generally need the support of your boss to get another job in the organization – and sometimes outside.

• Find one thing the Jerk Boss does well and manage your attitude by focusing on that one thing. It may be the only way you stay sane and keep your job.

• Never underestimate how easily Jerk Bosses feel threatened.

• You rarely have an opportunity to choose your boss. They come and they go.

Your potential in the organization need not be thwarted because you work with a Jerk Boss.  By the way, the Jerk Boss NEVER sees you as working WITH him, only FOR him (or her).  WHEN YOU MANAGE YOURSELF FIRST, YOU ARE BETTER ABLE TO MANAGE THE RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR BOSS.

These lessons are not so much about what is “right” or “wrong.”  They are not even about how things “ought to be”. They are about realities I have personally experienced or observed, and hope the learning will be of value to you. 

There are two things I have learned about opportunity. First, OPPORTUNITY ALWAYS EXISTS.  Always.  Second, it may not come down your street and knock on your door.  YOU JUST MAY HAVE TO TRACK IT DOWN AND GO TO IT.  It may be in another city, state or different part of the world.  It is out there.  You must decide if  you are willing to go after it.

It is really interesting to watch people, especially young people, love and attach themselves to places that do not love and support them or their careers.  Yes, I know there is more to life than work, but hear me out.  WHY IS IT SO HARD TO TRY A NEW CITY?  What is the worse thing that could happen?  You may not like the place.  If that happens, move back to the old place.

In my late 20s and early 30s, I lived and worked in “Hot-lanta.” It was and is a happening place.   While it was hot stuff saying I lived there, my career was creeping along in a fast city.  I was not satisfied with the creep and started opening my mind to the possibility of living somewhere else.  ONCE THE MIND OPENS, THE EYES SEE. There it was, right in my face in my same company, the perfect job for me.  Not in Atlanta but Birmingham, Alabama. I went after it, got it, and found Birmingham to be a beautiful city. I moved three more times with the same employer. Each time, relocating was the boost my career needed and I gained incredible experience in the process.  The rest is history.

Does it feel as though your career is creeping along? Are you having a hard time finding the kind of position you want?  Relocation may be the thing for you. Upward mobility on many jobs requires a willingness to relocate. While all employers may not require relocation, most value experience gained in other locations.  SOMETIMES EXPERIENCE GAINED  “SOMEWHERE ELSE” IS ALL THE EDGE NEEDED IN THIS HIGHLY COMPETITIVE JOB MARKET.

Successful relocations demand that you release the notion of permanent attachment to the old city. You must rethink your place in the new space, and doggedly pursue new alliances. IF YOU RELOCATE WITHOUT RELEASING AND RETHINKING, YOU WILL MOST ASSUREDLY WASTE VALUABLE TIME COMPARING THE NEW LOCATION WITH THE ONE YOU LEFT BEHIND.

THE LESSONS:

• First love the work you do.  Then learn to love the city where you work.

• Discuss relocation possibilities with your spouse or partner long before an opportunity in a different place presents itself.

• Study the backgrounds of others who have achieved the levels you aspire to in the organization.  Did they relocate over the course of their careers?  But a word of caution: women and people of color should not totally rely on following the career map of white men.  It may be different for you.

I did not come to the world of work properly prepared to take full advantage of compensation and benefit opportunities available to me.  While taught to work hard, live honestly and tithe, the same emphasis was not placed on saving. And there was never a word about investing or creating wealth. The basic goal was to own a home and have enough money to pay bills — not bad, but way too simple.  I now know you can’t know what you don’t know.  I LEFT A LOT OF MONEY ON THE TABLE IN THE EARLY YEARS, AND A LOT LESS AS YEARS WENT BY.  It is my hope we leave not one cent on the table, and secure a legacy of financial literacy and freedom for ourselves and our children.

The salary you earn may be just a fraction of your total compensation and benefit package.  Do you know what is in your package?  Are you tracking only dollars included in your salary?

Although rising costs are narrowing the wide range of options employers offer, many employers, especially large ones, still have valuable compensation and benefit packages. This is not done out of the goodness of their hearts. This is strictly business, done to attract and retain talented employees.

KNOW THE VALUE OF YOUR TOTAL COMPENSATION AND BENEFIT PACKAGE.  This will help you accurately evaluate the job you have; and if you ever go looking for another job, know the value of the total package you are trying to replace. Do the math!

When comparing one company to another, make comparisons beyond salary.  Is there “runway” — room for growth in the company?  Are there bonuses tied to performance?  Ask about insurance (health, life, disability) and the portion of premiums paid by the company.  What about retirement plans?  Savings plans?  Is there a company-matching program  (which is a really good thing)?  How much paid vacation?  Is there tuition reimbursement to help continue your education?  Are you allowed to pay for any benefits with pre-tax dollars?

WHILE FEW OF US WILL GET RICH WORKING FOR SOMEONE ELSE, MORE OF US CAN GET MORE FOR THE WORK WE DO.  TOO MANY OF US LEAVE MONEY ON THE TABLE.   Stop putting those company compensation and benefit brochures in a drawer.  Study them!  Attend meetings about benefits, saving, investing, and retirement planning.

Once you know more, do more!  Take it to the next level and pass it on.

THE LESSONS:

• Salary may be only a fraction of the valuation of your job.  Know and take advantage of the total compensation and benefit package available to you.

• When you earn a dollar, save a dime (at minimum).   Consider investing beyond what you save.

• Do your own research and talk to experts.

• Pass on what you learn to your children, family and friends.

• Leave nothing on the table!

I gave the keynote address, “Free Your Mind,” at a Possible Woman Conference in Atlanta.  The Conference theme was “Imagine” and my talk kicked off the day.  In preparing for the talk, I was again reminded of the importance of imagination and having a mind that is “free” if we want to build strong careers.

I have said it in other articles and I say it again:  You must be able to see yourself being and doing the things you want to be and do BEFORE you can actually be or do those things.  Sound corny?  Maybe.  But it is absolutely true.

You must be able to see yourself as a technical expert, great leader, supervisor or manager, top contributor, or highly paid executive before you make the first step in that direction.

What stops us from imagining?  Why is it so hard?  It was a lot easier when we were children.  Don’t you remember?  We could imagine a best friend, imagine we were Superman or Wonder Woman.  Imagine we could fly the highest heights or swim the deepest oceans. Our minds were free and our hearts happy because no one told us we could not be or do and we believed we could.

During the height of the Black Power Movement, the battle cry was  “free your mind!”  It was a cry anchored in the hard realization that feet, hands, and minds were shackled during slavery.  We realized the extreme difficulty of breaking the shackles of the mind (self-doubt, low self-esteem, low expectations, limited vision, and small dreams), even when hands and feet were free.

If you are to succeed at work — I mean really succeed — you must have control of your mind and see yourself traveling roads not before traveled.  So what if you have not seen anyone who looks like you, or come from where you are from accomplishing what you want.  You become the first.  Stop holding back on dreaming.  Dream Big! Plan big!  Work big! Free Your Mind.

THE LESSONS:

• Your thoughts matter and they matter big time!   The mind must be protected like Fort Knox.

• Those who are not your cheerleaders know when they get into your head and control your thoughts, they have control of you. 

• Positive affirmations – Self-Talk - can be a great way to counter the negative talk coming from others about what you can or cannot achieve.

• Once your mind is free, help someone else break free of chains that bind the mind!

Over the course of my career in corporate America, I was afforded many opportunities to contribute and excel. I was sponsored, mentored, worked hard, delivered results, and knew what God had for me was for me.  The stars aligned and the trajectory of my accomplishments was extremely positive. Some even think my career is a model they want to follow. For that reason, IT IS IMPORTANT TO FILL IN A FEW BLANKS AND ACKNOWLEDGE NOT JUST PROMOTIONS AND AWARDS, BUT STRUGGLES, FAILURES, AND TIMES THAT WERE REALLY TOUGH. Times when I had to dig deep and literally will myself to keep going and hold on to a record of “success.”  I had to put on big girl panties and deal with some stuff!

“Put Your Big Girl Panties On and Deal With It” is the title of a very popular book by Roz Van Meter published in 2007.  The book’s title appeared everywhere – on bumper stickers, banners, coffee mugs, tee shirts, dolls, and more. It was around that time I purchased a metal, whacky-looking, doll-like character holding a banner with the popular phrase.  I added her to the collage of motivational symbols and slogans that were visible to me, but not prominently displayed, as I sat at my desk.  ONLY GOD AND I KNEW HOW OFTEN I NEEDED COURAGE AND ENCOURAGEMENT.

Also among the collage of symbols and slogans was a photograph of CARL BRASHEAR, the first African American U. S. Navy Master Diver and first amputee diver re-certified as a U.S. Navy diver.  You might remember him from the “Men of Honor” movie with Cuba Gooding, Jr.  The photograph was of Brashear after the loss of his leg, climbing a ladder with weights equivalent to two scuba tanks strapped to his back.  Although there were days I could actually feel that weight on my back, my challenges were immediately put in perspective each time I looked at the picture.  Then there was the small button that I hooked to the wall, stamped with the words “No Whining Allowed.”

In the quiet of my office as I DEALT WITH NUMEROUS EVENTS, SOME GOOD, SOME WONDERFUL, AND SOME PURE HELL, I always knew my reactions to those events would have a profound impact on future events.   As you navigate your career, the same holds true for you.  Equally important, as you model your career after the careers of other people, pay close attention to how they handle adversity as well as acclaim.  Know that all their days are not good days.

THE LESSONS:

• Not-so-pleasant events will most assuredly come.  No one who navigates a career for any length of time can escape this truth.

• Long-term success requires an ability to suck it up, gird your loins, man-up, let it roll off your back and deal with it.

• Coping mechanisms that work for you will be crucial.  You’ll need them!

We all take on a crazy amount of stuff at work.  We must avoid non-productive skirmishes and save our energy, save our resources, and save the support of our allies to fight those battles significant to the achievement of major goals.  We must choose our battles and choose them carefully.

On any given day at work, you may face one, two, three or ten different things that get under your skin.  Things that make you stare in disbelief, things that make you shake your head, or things that make you angry or scared and want to fight.  As early as 1914 or 1915, Walter Bradford Cannon described how animals respond to threats. He called it a fight-flight-or-freeze response. The response is primitive, natural and automatic when there is a threat to our survival.

My fight response was in full bloom during my early working years, and sadly a few more years after that.  I was a self-appointed vigilante for justice in the workplace, speaking out for what was right, and speaking up for those who were wronged (by those in charge).  I did not fear authority and let it be known – not my smartest move. Most importantly, I was totally exhausted fighting every issue that passed my way, ineffective, and sometimes used by those who would not fight for themselves.  Then, as my mother used to say, I got some sense.

A wonderful mentor, Bruce Jones, taught me to choose my battles and live to fight another day.  He instinctively knew fighting was in my spirit and advised that I not purge the fight instinct, but develop discipline and other skill sets around it.  I understood fighting. I had to learn selective resistance, non-engagement and the fine art of winning!

THE LESSONS:

• All issues, problems, challenges and challengers are not equal.  Ask yourself if the issue is vital to your career or your core values.  Temper your response accordingly.  Some things are just not worth the fight.

• Do not take up the battles of those who will not fight for themselves.  Those who will not fight for themselves are different from those who cannot.

• Think about the situation and determine the most effective course of action.  If you decide to fight, understand fighting takes on many forms, not always “in your face”.

• Do not pick fights, and most especially do not pick fights with those who have more power and a longer reach than you.

• Always, always weight possible consequences of a fight and be prepared to accept the consequences.

• Choose your battles and live to fight another day!

From my earliest days of listening to women in my family talk about stuff I was not supposed to be hearing, I remember one or more of them saying, “A DOG THAT BRINGS A BONE WILL CARRY A BONE.”  It might have been an intense conversation they were having about someone outside the family (and sometimes inside) bringing news of what someone else had said or done.  You know, someone bringing the proverbial gossip.  They were bringing a “bone.”

The workplace has its share of dogs bringing and carrying bones.  It has its share of people whose personal mission is to keep stuff stirred up.  UNDER THE GUISE OF GIVING INFORMATION, THEIR REAL OBJECTIVE IS TO GET INFORMATION ABOUT YOU AND FROM YOU.

Sometimes the bone that is brought to you is for the purpose of taking you off your game and having you feel a little less confident about your role or status in the organization.

Don’t misunderstand me, there is certainly a need to have a small, close-knit network within which information about the workplace is exchanged and its impact assessed.  There were only 3-4 women in my family constituting that circle of confidants.  Being a member of the family was not automatic grounds for entry into the circle.  Aunts, grandmas, sisters, husbands, and uncles all had to be properly vetted.

“Vetted.”  It might not be a bad idea to define it.  According to the New Oxford American Dictionary, to vet someone is to “investigate thoroughly, especially in order to ensure that they are suitable for a job requiring secrecy, loyalty, or trustworthiness.” I hope you agree, vetting is a good thing to do before sharing bones, especially bones with any meat on them.

Before you send all those bone bearers (or collectors) running to the hills with a haughty “I don’t want to hear that!,” just listen quietly and hear what they have to say.

THE LESSONS:

• Keep the circle of confidants very, very small and properly vetted.  This level of trust is earned over time and cannot be rushed.

• Start by sharing small bits of benign information and see what happens.

• Carefully observe individuals who always seem to be bringing you information.

• React with caution when the news being brought is about you.

• Avoid petty gossip about people.  Engaging in it can be emotionally draining.

• During the initial stages of the vetting process, share only those things you would be okay with seeing on the front page of the company newsletter – with your name next to them.

• Utilize your small, very small, network of confidants to get information about what the company is planning and what the company is doing and how those things impact you.

• Be fiercely loyal to a small, very small, circle of confidants.

On many occasions, co-workers would ask how I stayed grounded as a senior executive with the ability to connect with workers at every level and continue to “say it plain”.  I was perhaps an odd ball because of my relentless quest for common sense solutions to complex problems.  Before I ever heard the term “keep it simple stupid”, I heard my Mama saying “there is a thin line between a genius and a fool”.  I was blessed to have her frequently remind me when I was about to cross over the line.

 My intellectual capacity had been validated.  I was academically bright.  Be that as it may, some of the conclusions I would draw and plans of action I would undertake defied reason.  I have done some incredibly foolish things.  Without the ever-present grounding of my family  – who by the way take no prisoners when it comes to candor – I would have become a Certified Fool.

You’re smiling because you know what I’m talking about.  You know people who are credentialed up the wazoo, without the ability to work their way out of a paper bag.  Yes, that would have been me except for family and a small network of friends who kept pulling my chain and bringing me back to what is real.

Education is the key that opens multiple doors of enlightened thinking and untold opportunities.  Education is indeed all that and a bag of chips!  I am 100% committed to life-long learning.  HOWEVER, formal education without a healthy dose of common sense produces some really crazy outcomes.

Think of the manager who only reads journals to acquire skill in relating to people.  The executive who talks only to himself and a legion of mini-me’s to craft strategic direction.  What about the top recruited graduate in the finance department who immediately begins to  “direct” corporate initiatives without having a single conversation with his (or her) peers who have worked in the company for years.  While all efforts might be “theoretically sound”, they fall flat in the face of reason and common sense.

IQ (Intelligence Quotient) must be balanced with EI (Emotional Intelligence) and slathered with CS (Common Sense)!   Any one of these cannot stand alone.  One without the other two is lacking the “right stuff” to achieve and sustain meaningful and measurable results.

THE LESSONS:

• Always take pride in formal training and academic accomplishments.

• Know what you know and know what you do not know.

• Surround yourself with people who will strengthen your competencies and shore up areas where you are not strong.

• Always administer a common sense smell test before acting on an idea.

• Your level of education and title will not make a foolish idea appear brilliant.

• Listen to the small voice within warning you when you are about to cross that thin line.

Some years back as I listened to guests on the “Morning Joe” talk show discuss Mitt Romney’s potential vice presidential running mates, comments about Marco Rubio stopped me in my tracks.   While Rubio’s name has frequently come up, and Romney says Rubio is “being considered”, the consensus that morning was Rubio, while on the list, is not a real contender.  Rubio had not been asked by the Romney campaign to produce personal financial records – a basic in formal vetting – and that was enough for the four men on the show to eliminate him from the running.

Discussions went back and forth.  One man said not formally vetting Rubio (even if not a serious contender) was a missed opportunity given Romney’s problems with Hispanic voters.  To make sure his point was made, the man went on to say, “EVERYONE KNOWS YOU PUT A WOMAN ON THE LIST EVEN WHEN YOU HAVE NO INTENTION OF SELECTING A WOMAN”.

I could not believe my ears.   This man said out loud on national television what I knew to be true but had never heard so brazenly acknowledged – lists lie.  

Not unlike the Romney-Rubio scenario, organizations build lists of individuals supposedly ready to hold or being groomed to hold significant positions.  Short lists, long lists, succession lists, promotability lists, high potential lists, moving up the ladder lists, and on and on.  These lists serve multiple purposes, not always in service to those whose names appear on them.   THE MORE PUBLIC THE LISTS OR LIST-MAKING-PROCESSES, THE MORE PADDED THE LISTS FOR POLITICAL AND POLITICALLY CORRECT REASONS.

Names of individuals with limited credentials but “power connections” start to appear – the boss’s son, a key customer’s daughter, someone sponsored by someone in power.  Political correctness demands an appropriate sprinkling of women and minorities.  Lists lie.

Having said all this, it is probably better to have your name on the lists than not.  You will at least be minimally discussed as a “potential candidate”, even if being selected is remote.  THE IMPORTANT THING IS TO AVOID DRAWING A DIRECT LINE BETWEEN YOUR NAME ON SOME LIST AND REAL OPPORTUNITIES FOR YOUR NEXT CAREER MOVE.  There are many more dots to be connected.

So why have lists?  Under the best of circumstances, lists actually guide decision making about talent and direct resources toward building candidate readiness.  It is responsible behavior to think about and plan for filling key jobs.   Unfortunately, lists are too often used to placate those in power and pacify critics of the organization’s (or individual’s) commitment to diversity.

Lists come and lists go.  You must validate and verify.

THE LESSONS:

• You have not arrived because your name appears on a list.

• Have candid conversations with trusted mentors (and sponsors if possible) about real opportunities.

• Continually evaluate the organization’s investment in you. Is it high, low, or neutral in terms of MONEY, MOVEMENT, and MESSAGES? Beware of words not backed by actions.

• Always remember, lists lie!

Regardless of gender, ethnicity, age, sexual orientation, or system of belief, if shoes or clothing are too tight, it is only a matter of time before lack of comfort shows on the face and tension distorts behavior.  So it is with all those things at work that bind minds and pinch spirits.

What binds and pinches you at work?  What ties your stomach in knots and inhibits clear thinking?  What pushes your buttons and causes you to say or do things contrary to your true self?  The success of your career may well depend on how clearly you answer these questions.  JUST AS YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO WHEN THINGS LIKE SHOES, BELTS, HATS, OR PANTYHOSE ARE TOO TIGHT, SO MUST YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR WORK ENVIRONMENT STARTS TO PINCH AND BIND.

This subject takes me to words of wisdom from my Grandmother.  Whenever I would become anxious or totally stress-out about something, she would say “Baby, wear it like a loose garment”.  She admonished me to beware of things that could bind me so tightly I could not think straight.  Bind me so tightly I would act foolishly.  Bind me so tightly I would forget who I was and what I stood for.  Quite frankly, I did not always heed her warning as I plunged mind, body, and spirit into building a successful career.  The deeper I plunged, the more tightly I was bound.

Surviving the complexities of a competitive work environment while keeping your core intact is more than a notion.  Staying true to who you are and what you stand for is the most difficult part of any job.  Learn to SKILLFULLY DRAPE THE JOB AROUND YOUR SHOULDERS AND LET IT FLOW LOOSELY OVER THE VITAL PARTS OF YOU.

Wearing the job like a loose garment does not mean approaching work in a casual manner.  Nor does it suggest disloyalty to the company.  To the contrary, our livelihoods and the well being of our families depend on strong relationships with our employers.  BUT, SEPARATE THE WORK FROM THE STUFF AT WORK.   Approach the work in earnest and demonstrate loyalty by consistently delivering high quality results.  Beyond that, everything must be worn like a loose garment.

Crazy stuff can happen at work.  Most of it has nothing to do with you and little of it can you do anything about.  Stepping back and detaching are keys to emotional and physical health.  The more you define yourself by what you do at work – job, title, status, general company association – the easier it is to become pinched and bound.

THE LESSONS:

1. Focus on what you can control.

2. Have a life outside your work life.

3. Know people outside the people you work with.

4. Validate your worth beyond what happens at work.

Feeling pinched and bound?   Loosen it or take it off!

I am so looking forward to the Tokyo Olympics. Watching competitions I did not know existed and cheering for things and people I know little about. The Olympics have this effect.

It is easy to draw parallels between what happens in sports and what happens at work.  If you want to be the best, if you are going for the Gold – that next job, a promotion or raise – TAKE LESSONS FROM GOLD MEDAL ATHLETES.

GET FIT AND STAY FIT

All of the Olympic athletes train constantly.  They know their competitors are training hard.  They know there can always be someone faster, stronger, more talented (and in our world of work – perhaps more well connected).  They all have coaches.  Staying fit in the workplace means staying current in your chosen profession (continuous education, membership in trade associations, studying your organization and understanding its goals and business strategy).  No one can do this for you.  This you must do for yourself.  Remember, persistence not perfection.

BE COMMITTED

Be in it to win it. The secret is to wipe the slate clean each day.  So the boss gave you hell today.  You did not get the promotion.  The raise did not come through.  Wipe the slate clean and go for it again tomorrow.  The ability to return to your “A” Game after a missed shot, a bad play, or defeat is the real mark of a champion.  Commitment is in the head.  Hunger is in the heart!

WANT IT.  BE HUNGRY AND STAY HUNGRY

The individual Olympic Gold Medal had eluded Serena.  She wanted it badly.  This was evident from the moment she walked onto the court.  Her eyes said, “This is mine”!  She understood past success does not ensure you win today or tomorrow.  Whether your goal is to climb a career ladder, learn a new trade, or stay where you are in the job you have, you must want it badly enough to sacrifice enough to get it and keep it.

How fit, committed, and hungry are you?

Workplaces across America have been filled with whispers, back room conversations and a few heated debates in recent years.  Employees are reminded to keep politics private although political bumper stickers and other paraphernalia of coworkers put them in one camp or the other.  There’s a lot of “walking on eggshells” and if you are smart, you will learn to walk on them too.

Politics can bring out the best and the worst in people.  That’s why conventional wisdom recommends leaving conversations about politics and religion out of social and work settings.  This is difficult, especially when “they” (those in power) seem to say and do whatever they want on the subjects.  It is very difficult.  Even so, my advice is this:  WHEN AT WORK, KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT ABOUT YOUR POLITICS.  SMILE, WALK AWAY FROM HEATED DEBATES ABOUT THE CANDIDATES, AND TAKE YOURSELF (AND OTHERS) TO THE POLLS AND VOTE!

There is no need to strain relationships at work over a political election.  Elections are critical — but so is your job and the relationship capital you have built.  If you already have a trusting relationship with someone at work and you know, without a doubt, what you say will not be used against you, then sure — have the conversation.  But let me tell you, those TRUSTING RELATIONSHIPS ARE RARE AND FEW IN NUMBER.

Whatever you do, NEVER USE COMPANY PROPERTY (computers, phones, copiers, etc.) to send political information such as jokes, invitations to political functions, party platforms, or anything to do with the candidates.  In some environments, this could cost you your job.

While I often say personal life and business life begin to mesh the longer you are in business, and especially as you grow in the organization, this is one time I am telling you to keep them separate.

The closer it gets to election day, the more you must BE PREPARED FOR YOUR EMOTIONAL BUTTONS TO BE PUSHED, SOMETIMES BY ACCIDENT AND OTHER TIMES ON PURPOSE.  You must be in control of you.  Stay alert.  Know when to walk away.  If you cannot walk away, listen with a poker face. I have never mastered the latter.

If asked a direct question, remain calm, thoughtful, and smart about your answer, taking care not to offend.  In a very few words, say why you are for your candidate, avoiding any mention of the candidate you do not support.  If someone comes to you with a lot of negative talk about the candidate you support, smile and simply say you do not agree.  DO NOT BITE THE HOOK!

THE LESSONS:

• At work, keep your mouth shut about your politics.

• Smile and walk away from heated political debates with co-workers.

• The best way to work off all that energy about your candidate is to volunteer and work for that candidate on your own time.

• Take your passion to the polls and vote!

Growing up as an extremely curious, somewhat precocious, strong-willed child, I was prone to cross lines or boundaries my parents set for me.  Various types of punishment would be administered in their efforts to keep me on the straight and narrow, to keep me abiding by the rules.  The one message from them I will always remember is: “When you do something wrong, you come and tell us before someone else does, and know someone else always will.  When you tell us first, you make it easier on yourself.  When you tell us first, your punishment will be far less severe”.  They were simply saying, “When you mess up, fess up”.

As an adult (still curious, strong willed, and prone to push the boundaries), the teachings of my parents are put to good use.    This was particularly true during my many years working in corporate settings.  The rule of “NEVER SURPRISE THE BOSS” seemed a lot like my parents saying, “you better tell us first”.

These places where we work and bosses we work for can very often make us feel we have to be perfect.  Mistakes, sometimes all mistakes, are portrayed as the handiwork of the ill-prepared or incompetent, and perfection is the only acceptable outcome.  Do not believe it!  The organization knows and your boss knows there will be mistakes and less than perfect outcomes.  What you have to know is there are different kinds of mistakes with different consequences.  IT IS YOUR JOB TO BE THE FIRST TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE MISTAKE AND THEREBY INFLUENCE THE CONSEQUENCES.

Know there are three kinds of mistakes: Stupid, Honest, and Venture.  THE CONSEQUENCE OF STUPID MISTAKES IS GENERALLY PUNISHMENT, FREQUENTLY SEVERE – even when you admit it first.  Why?  Because with stupid mistakes, the right approach is widely accepted, acknowledged, and signs are posted everywhere.  Stupid mistakes are the result of willful disregard for widely accepted rules and consequences.  Do not expect leniency from the boss.

WITH HONEST MISTAKES YOU CAN EXPECT SOME DEGREE OF TOLERANCE FROM THE BOSS.   Honest mistakes occur when the right course of action is unclear, the rules are vague, there are gray areas and your outcome is less than positive.  In such cases, it is crucial to be the first to explain what happened AND what you learned from the experience.

Then there is the Venture Mistake.  Venture mistakes are grounded in positive intentions to improve a process or develop a product or program.  Venture mistakes are all about doing something for the good of the organization but the outcome does not perfectly achieve the goal.  Even so, with venture mistakes, the foundation is laid and more is learned so that the next attempts are better positioned for success.  Your boss should be included at the onset of the venture and frequently briefed along the way.  VENTURE MISTAKES ARE OFTEN REWARDED.

THE LESSONS:

• Perfection is an illusion.

• Understand there are different mistakes with different consequences.

• Always own the mistakes you make.

In the late1980s a colleague admonished me to “open up” and let people get to know me.  I have said the same to you from time to time.  Back then, and really throughout my career, there were no personal photos in my office and only a handful of people had information about my personal life.  I was divorced, had no children, no pets, and only succulent plants that needed little care.  While I had dated the same man for many years, few knew who he was.  My family was in Florida, I visited them frequently and talked with them almost daily, yet few knew anything about them.  INFORMATION ABOUT MY PERSONAL LIFE WAS ON A “NEED TO KNOW” BASIS AND FEW NEEDED TO KNOW – OR SO I THOUGHT.

One day a colleague whom I trusted said people were uncomfortable with me because they did not know who I was.  She meant they did not know anything about my personal life.  Being active in work projects and joining in after-work socializing was not enough.  For all my co-workers knew, I could have been from the planet Vulcan.  This colleague and I laughed and decided it might be a good thing to ease their worries.  To make me appear more “warm and human” she brought to my office a framed photograph of her dog.  We renamed him Blackie.  She said having the photo of Blackie on my desk would at least say I liked animals.  Blackie’s photograph stayed on my desk for many years and made a lot of folk “more comfortable” with me.

What about you?  How do you communicate aspects of your personal life to increase the comfort others have with you?  Do you prominently display family photos or give weekly updates on happening with the family?  As cynical as it sounds, those photos and updates keep a lot of Busy Bodies and Nosy Rosies at bay.   JUST A LITTLE BIT OF INFORMATION GOES A LONG WAY TO INCREASE THE COMFORT OTHERS HAVE WITH YOU.

I have learned you have to give the people something.  This is especially true when you are in a position of leadership.  Basic personal information actually lays the foundation for relationship building.  IT IS IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO CONTROL HOW MUCH AND HOW FREQUENTLY YOU SHARE.  Over time I shared more stories about my family so others would begin to know what was important to me.  My co-workers knew very well that “Mama ‘em”  (Mama and them) were my heartstring.  They had a real need to know and at times I had a need to share.

THE LESSONS:

• People are curious about the “you” behind the title.

• If you do not give them the narrative of your life, they will write their own script.

• It is not necessary, and not recommended, that you share every aspect of your personal life with anyone, especially those with whom you work.

• Give the people what they want. At least have a dog!

One of the most striking discourses over the years is of the reproductive rights of women and how those rights are subordinate to the most pressing problem of the day.  I recently heard a young, well-educated woman say reproductive rights are secondary and she was more concerned about the economy.  Her focus was jobs!  She had somehow compartmentalized the two and appeared clueless about the connection.   If a woman does not control her reproductive reality she cannot control her economic reality.   The two are inextricably linked.

Perhaps this hard truth escapes those whose economic realities are full of options.  But for women who must work to support themselves, their children and families (either solely or with a spouse) having the right to determine what happens in their wombs – their reproductive rights – are as important on the path to sustained economic well-being as a good education, job opportunities, and even equal pay.

It boggles the mind to hear anyone, most especially women, speak as if reproductive rights and economic well-being are not connected.  I am old enough to remember the kinds of questions employers would routinely ask women about their child bearing plans before either hiring or promoting them.   Old enough to remember when women in the workplace were relegated to roles that never led to the C-Suite because they could not be counted on to be there for the long haul – “pregnancy and all”.

While today such questions about reproductive plans are considered out-of-bounds, the questions have not gone away.   Make no mistake, those questions are still being asked in not so open forums and still impact hiring and promotions. 

To be fair about it, employers want to know basically two things.  First, will maternity leave impact productivity in the short term? And second, will the return on investments in employees’ growth and development be realized in the long term?  Every woman must study her particular work environment and be very clear about how she will balance child bearing, child rearing, and career steering.  The ability to balance these three, hinges on a woman’s right to reproductive choices.  Most importantly, the ability to balance these three requires planning and forethought.

THE LESSONS:

• If a woman does not control her reproductive reality she cannot control her economic reality.

• Never let anyone make you believe the two are separate.

• The most “family-friendly” employers put productivity needs over parenting desires and demands.

This is a very good time to think about your accomplishments during the year.  For those who started the year with written goals, determine progress for each goal.  If you do not have written goals, still summarize your accomplishments – in writing.

Why is this important?  The answer is simple.  IF YOU DO NOT TELL THE STORY OF YOUR CONTRIBUTIONS AND ACCOMPLISHMENTS, THE STORY MAY NOT BE TOLD.   Do not expect your boss to keep up with the great job you did on a special project back in March or how you volunteered to work overtime to meet a team deadline.  Sure, the boss may have a general sense that you are a good employee, but the story of how you deliver results is your story to tell.  THE BOSS IS TRYING TO TELL HIS OR HER OWN STORY looking for a pay raise or promotion.

When documenting your results, USE NUMBERS OR QUANTIFIABLE MEASURES whenever possible.  Did anything you do save or make money for the company?  How much?  Were customers satisfied with your service?  What percentage of them?  Were projects completed on schedule or under budget?  How many and how much under?  Did you perform tasks without error?  How frequently?  Did other people, either customers or co-workers, send thank you notes or commendations?  Attach them.  THE RULE:  DOCUMENT QUANTIFY COMMUNICATE. 

USE PRESIDENT OBAMA AS A MODEL.  He made very sure the American people knew his record, mostly in quantifiable terms.  Examples are: 32 straight months of job growth and 5.2 million jobs; rescued auto industry saving over 1 million jobs; cut taxes by $3,600 for average middle class family making $50,000; Lillie Ledbetter Fair Pay Act; and ending the war in Iraq.  President Obama did not simply say “I have been working hard and doing good”.  He took the time to document, quantify and communicate results.  Some even thought he should have bragged earlier and more loudly.  Results laid the foundation for his re-election.

It is sometimes difficult to toot your own horn.  No one wants to be seen as braggadocios or arrogant.  Even so, you must tell the important chapters of your story.  Write them down if only for yourself.  In doing so, you will feel good about what you have done and gain perspective on what you want to do in the coming year.   CARE ENOUGH ABOUT THE WORK YOU DO TO REFLECT ON WHAT YOU HAVE ACCOMPLISHED FOR THE GOOD OR YOUR DEPARTMENT AND YOUR COMPANY.

While your boss may never ask for it, each year, prepare a simple one-page report of your accomplishments.  Send it to your boss as a brief update and thank him or her for the opportunity to work with the team.

THE LESSONS:

• It is your job to document, quantify and communicate your accomplishments.

• Toot your horn with confidence not cockiness.

Several years ago, I was driving to the grocery store with my great-nephew who was 5 years old at the time.   He was appropriately sitting in the rear seat all buckled in.  As we drove along peacefully, my beautiful nephew, with the seriousness of a traumatic situation asked:  “Aunt Marsha, why can’t I take my teeth out?”  He went on to say and demonstrate how he had been pulling on his tiny teeth to no avail.  They would not budge.  He was really sad and needed to be reassured he was just perfect.

Let’s roll back the story.  My mother, her mother, and my sister (my great-nephew’s grandmother) all wore dentures.  My great-nephew routinely watched as they put dentures in and took dentures out.  He probably marveled at dentures in some cup in the bathroom.  Can you imagine the number of times he must have pulled on his own tiny teeth, hoping he would be “normal”, hoping he would be like those he loved and looked up to?  After all, his world was insular and his experiences few and shallow.  These family members were his role models.  These were the people he wanted to be like.  He was saddened by his inability to emulate.  He thought something was wrong and that it was wrong with him.

On that day which I will always remember, I tried to convince my great-nephew everything was wonderful with him and everyone did not take out their teeth.  I pulled on my own teeth and hopefully expanded his thinking about oral health and teeth – real or false.

This half-comical, half-serious moment with my nephew always comes to mind whenever I think of how many of us select other human beings as role models.  WE SOMETIMES BLINDLY MAKE ALL ATTEMPTS TO BE LIKE SOMEONE ELSE, TO “TAKE OUR TEETH OUT” AS THEY DO.  WE SOMETIMES STRUGGLE TO FEEL OKAY ABOUT OURSELVES.

Let me hasten to say seeing others who have achieved the kinds of things we want to achieve often helps to strengthen our belief that we too can achieve our goals.  THERE IS AN IMPORTANT PLACE IN OUR LIVES AND CAREERS FOR ROLE MODELS.  BUT, ALWAYS REMEMBER ROLE MODELS ARE HUMAN AND HUMANLY FLAWED, JUST AS WE ARE.

Like my great-nephew, the more insular your world and limited your experiences, the more you try to emulate others without sufficient understanding of who or what they really are.  More importantly, you cheat yourself of growing by knowing the beauty of who you are, just as you are.

THE LESSONS:

• Be very careful as you select and study people in your family, community, world, and workplace whom you want to emulate.

• Before you beat up on yourself for not “being like”, “thinking like”, or “looking like” others, take a good look at their teeth. They may not be real.

• Set high standards for yourself.

• You are wonderful just as you are.

Fear of being fired may get you first on the list to be fired.  In these tough economic times with one company after another closing and those that remain open downsizing, the stress level of so many employees is through the roof.  Who wouldn’t be anxious about job security?    Even so, the sad reality is getting fired may just be the new normal.  Gone are the days of 30 year careers with a single company.

Fear of being fired ruins more careers than a mean or unfair manager, incompetence, or co-worker sabotage.  Fear of being fired too often immobilizes and stops us in our tracks.  We take no risks and put all our energies into playing it safe.  Playing it safe does not ensure job security.  To the contrary, when times are tough it is a very good time to stretch your creative skills and be seen as a problem solver, innovator, and one willing to push the envelope for the good of the company.

If the company is thinking of downsizing, it needs those remaining to bring more than a narrow set of skills to the table.  The only way the company can do more with less is to have fewer people doing more and doing it smarter.  Do you see yourself thriving in that kind of environment?  Are you willing to go outside your comfort zone and really make a contribution to the success of the organization?  At least think about it.

I recently overheard a conversation about fear of being fired and the person’s strategy was to “fly below the radar”.  Flying below the radar and blending into the wallpaper will not protect you if the organization is looking to reduce the number of employees.   To the contrary, it will simply make you blend into a mass of employees whose value is assessed to be average at best.   During times like these you do not want to blend into the masses of employees.  You want to be set apart as one of the employees who understands the direction the company is going and whose work is an important part of the company’s success.

THE LESSONS:

1. Fear of being fired often sets you up to be fired.

2. Do the job you have like it’s the job of your dreams. Take it to another level. Go beyond the job description and begin to not simply accomplish the task but add value.

3. Have a backup plan. Knowing you can take care of yourself and your family if you are fired frees you from the fear.

4. Get all of the knowledge and skills you can while you can.

In today’s world of work, you have job security when you possess knowledge and transferable skillsets that result in employment options while allowing you to confidently do the job you already have.   Everything boils down to options.  The more options you have the less afraid you are.  The less afraid you are, the more creative, innovative, and productive you become!

On the last Sunday of the year, I left home late but determined to get to church.  The Pastor had left one of those mass telephone messages saying there would be a meeting after church and I wanted to be there to show support.  As the service proceeded, he indicated one of the assistant ministers would bring the message.  I was disappointed the Senior Pastor would not be preaching.  The disappointment quickly passed.

The message of the morning was “Make Room for Miracles” and the assistant minister was outstanding!  She shook me from a bit of “retiree-thinking” that had started to creep into my psyche.  She reminded me no matter how wonderful my past accomplishments, the best is yet to be!

However the year ended for you, the best is yet to be.  You have an opportunity to start anew.  Shake-off the old and embrace the new.  Whether a bad relationship with your boss or co-workers, a project that did not end as planned, an unsuccessful job search, or a year filled with glorious accomplishments, you can start anew.

The minister suggested three things to make room for miracles.  The three are particularly relevant to career success.

1.    Change your attitude

2.    Expand your aptitude

3.    Increase your gratitude

We often focus on attitude.  “Attitude determines Altitude”.  You control your attitude and must give it a daily feeding of the positive.  But attitude is more than positive thinking, it is also possibility thinking.  As you begin the year, begin it with a genuine belief it is possible to achieve the goals you have set.   You must believe in yourself before others believe in you.

For our purposes, expand your aptitude simply means learn something new.  If at the end of the year we do not know more, cannot do more, will not see and accept others more, then it will have been a year lacking accomplishment.  Volunteer for a special project, investigate a job swap with a co-worker, consider a lateral move.  Maybe you want to learn to play golf.  The “what” does not matter.  What does matter is that we stretch ourselves and expand our aptitude.  My goal for new learning is to speak Spanish.  Although I had Spanish as a course in high school, I never spoke it.  So I have registered for Spanish 101 through in a local continuing Education program.

The minister’s final point was to increase gratitude.   If you have a job, be grateful for it.  Be grateful for your ability to grow beyond that job and get another one.  If you are searching for a job, be grateful you have the strength of mind and body to be in the job market.  Gratitude does not mean settling for where you are and what you have.  Gratitude acknowledges the how, the who, and the what that shapes the now and lays a foundation for future success.

Make this your best year ever.  You control the most important ingredients – Attitude, Aptitude, and Gratitude.